afireinthesnow: (Default)
Title: Regrets
Author: [ profile] hellcatwriter
Fandom: Primeval

He had noticed it right from the start, the way he watched her. She was a bit obvious, much like a schoolgirl, but she was so cute at it, too.

He felt kind of like a dick for not telling her he had a girlfriend at first, but it never really came up. It should have at some point, but where do you drop that bit of information? In between shouts of "SHOOT IT, SHOOT IT!" and teasing Connor about his obvious lack of a social life? Not that easy. The topic wasn't the first thing to come to mind when fighting giant dinosaurs and really, really big bugs. Huge bugs. Gigantic bugs.

That, and it's hard to think straight when your mind is under the influence of heavy drugs that don't do a thing to numb the agony coursing through your veins in the form of Arthropleura venom. And Connor had said that this beast had no poison and was no real threat. He'd had to remember to hit the boy for that. If he survived.

No wonder he had said it. He could see the worry in Abby's eyes as she stood by his side, even as he convulsed from the effects of the venom. He could see the faint hope there, too, the hope he would survive. He had to say something to keep her calm, and asking her out seemed like the most logical thing. "It was a good idea at the time" How many people blamed stupid descisions on that? Too many, and he had to include himself among those. Good ideas were often related to the circumstances, and the cicumstances didn't always allow for survival.

And it seemed a damn good idea at the time, saving the others from the creatures by sacrificing himself. He saw the pain in Nick's eyes as he locked the door and backed into the center of the mass of circling predatory monsters. Raptors, Smilodon, Predators, and all sorts of other creatures that would strip the meat from his bones in the very near future. He felt bad for the pain this would give his friends, but somewhere through the fog of adrenaline running through his veins, he felt worst for Abby. She loved him, wanted to be loved by him, and here he was, watching death circle ever closer to himself.

<i>What a bastard I must be,</i> he thought to himself. <i>How many times have I broken her heart?</i> Even once was too many for a girl as sweet and spirited as Abby was, and the last words he whispered into the air before the raptors reached him should have been, "I'm sorry, Abby..." But no, those words should have been for her ears alone, not for the monsters advancing on him with bloodlust in their eyes. He was surprised that he felt no fear. He was ready, almost happy for what was going to happen, save for the nagging guilt about Abby.

He would have liked to have gone on that date, just to see the smile on her face as they spoke.


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Let's Get One Thing Straight: I'm Not.

October 2013

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